That’s it!
I’m joining a gym.
This morning was the last straw, as my pants so graciously let me know: “Jenny – why are you trying to squeeze into us? We can’t handle the pressure! We’re giving you all she’s got captain!”
Now, as I sit and look at the seams on my pants I feel sorry for the poor person who actually notices how tight they fit
today…it’s not a pretty sight (the making of a muffin top). Nor does it feel good on my stomach as the inside button presses into my skin as it holds on for dear life, while the zipper is pleading with me to be let loose of its daunting task to keep everything together.
Gym. Gym. Gym.
For months I’ve been eating what I want, and not participating in a stitch of exercise, all for the hopes that my “feelings” would be magically changed from “stressed out” to “utopia.” What a facade. I feel worse than ever (as I stuff my face with Taco Cabana). Stress is not an excuse to live and act like a glutton. There will always be stress. Money stress, family stress, work stress, relationship stress, etc. The list goes on and on. It’s America – there will be stress.
Gym. Gym. Gym.
It’s funny how complacent I get. I’d like to point the finger at Lance (my college track coach) and blame him for over working me back in my 20′s … because every time I go to run, I constantly think about my split times, my distance vs. pace, and my weight. And I hate it. It is so overwhelming at times that I hate to run - and I’ve tried biking, etc., but I hate that too. It’s not Lance’s fault I’m a head case. He isn’t here now – and he hasn’t been here since 2003 – so whose fault is it?
Mine.
And I hate that.
I don’t like to be at fault for my own wrong doing. It’s easy to admit that I’m wrong to others whenever I have made them upset or mad or whatever…but I can’t admit I’m at fault for my own “self-wronging.” Yes I just made up that word. This is the worst kind of “suck-it-up” I have ever faced…where the little bird on my shoulder continues to chirp: “Jenny, you’re not 20 anymore, you body metabolism has changed, your eating and exercise patterns need to change, and your laziness needs to be kicked to the curb.”
Gym. Gym. Gym.
So how do I reprogram myself? I did it before…right before the wedding. I told myself there wasn’t any other way – that I needed to lose weight to fit into my dress, and fit in it I did. I ate right, exercised, got enough sleep…all for the sake of a dress! So now what? I have no looming dress to fit into – all I have is my daily self to look at and keep healthy. And to be honest – sometimes the Oreos win over my thoughts and wants of being healthy. Like last night. I had every intention of eating healthy – I made some soup, added a slice of bread, and then…..a row of Oreos. Where the hell the Oreos came in, I don’t know? I think I’ve mentally claimed them as a new food group. See this post about how addicted I am to those damn cookies: Motivation Fail. But honestly – what’s my motivation now? Vanity? Health?
Gym. Gym. Gym.
So what’s going to change if I join a gym? What changes for anyone that joins a gym?
Money.
You pay for the gym membership, and that should be motivation enough to get you to the treadmill to work off your
debt to the establishment. If I’m paying for something, I better be getting something back in return! This is the one motivating factor I know that gets me every time. I hate paying for something that reaps no benefit. Call it a weakness, or whatever you want – but it’s true. But on the flip side, it’s that same money that keeps me away from the gym. Who wants to pay to exercise when you can just run outside? For free. And then I have this internal argument with myself over and over again that goes something like this:
Busting at the seams Jenny (BATSJ): “I need to get a gym membership. I’m tired of not being able to fit into any of my clothes.”
Responsible Jenny (RJ): “You don’t need to join a gym. Just run outside and use the free weights you have at the house.”
BATSJ: “I haven’t run in months! What’s to say that I am going to do it now. Plus it’s cold as balls out – and you know darn well in the summer that running outside is a death wish in Texas!”
RJ: ”Listen, you can bundle up right now when it’s cold, and in the summer you can run in the morning when it’s cooler.”
BATSJ: “Okay – sure I can bundle up now for what….2 more weeks? When the hot weather comes I can’t run in the morning. I already get up at 4:30 am! You want me to get up earlier than that!? NO WAY!”
RJ: “Well that’s just lazy.”
BATSJ: “No – that’s called being sane. Either way – the gym has more features than just running outside. I can bike one day, or take a cardio class, or do yoga. All of this is at the gym!”
RJ: “Sure that’s all nice and dandy – but it costs money.”
BATSJ: “No more than an order of pizza a month. I figure, if I can order one less pizza from Pizza Hut, and transfer that money over to a gym membership – then it’s a win-win! I get to work out, AND I eat one less crappy thing for dinner.”
RJ: “You’re not fooling anyone. You’ll still order pizza. You live with Pizza Bears.”
BATSJ: “Well….I’ll make him join the gym too.”
RJ: “That won’t stop you guys from ordering pizza, in fact – you’ll probably want pizza more since you’ll be ‘working out’ so much. This is a joke. Not to mention that now you’re paying for two memberships instead of one.”
BATSJ: “When did you get all Negative Nancy on me? I thought we were a team. Team GYM!”
RJ: “I’m your sensible side. The side that says you should use that extra ‘pizza’ money and apply it to your debt to family members or your credit cards instead of this gym workout pipe dream.”
BATSJ: “But my pants….”
RJ: ”Shhhhh!”
BATSJ: “But….!
RJ: ”I said shoosh!”
BATSJ: ”Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
Yeah. That’s what I’m dealing with in my head.
Now what!?
Don’t buy junk…then you can’t be tempted without driving to get it….stock up on things you can eat guilt free…invest in a yoga DVD…there are many out there and you use it over and over again and keep getting better…any time of day….(Target). Find an eating style that can become a life style…weight watchers, south beach…both are ways of viewing what you eat… Do it for yourself!!!! No one else….
Ah, what stress does to one! And since I experienced first hand the venom of the high pollen count of Austin just a few weeks ago, my vote would be(if one was really going to start any program)(and, all of the notes on metabolism,etc were and are correct) then I would vote for the purified and filtered air of the gym. Now, paying for it is another thing, as I would try to find the least expensive one which allowed me the choices I wanted, not an array of all, which would normally cost an arm and a leg. Then there is the option of using ones garage to house a running machine(one can get one fairly inexpensively on ebay or on the web) and putting a small TV in the garage to take ones mind off of the effort. Hey ask your brothers, it worked for all of us, and we did it in both the cold and the heat of summer, but only in the morning as that is when we need to exercise anyway to get that metabolism going.
Once again that Dad probably putting his foot in his mouth… but reminding all who are quick to judge, this is but an option, and only if one wants to partake of exercise with the least possible costs, and most likely the best success as when one get used to doing it, you just do it, as the Nike commercial says!
With love….
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